Thursday, March 21, 2013

How To Never Read Past How To


I question Mark.

I've never read anything past the words, "How to." Goals, like band-aids, are just something I bleed through. Dreams, a read-through, the before the after. Happily ever after seems a bit like lazy falling action. Why does the action have to fall anyway? "You're a writer, why are you bothering with gravity?" I guess I just try to stay grounded-- I'm too old to have my mother do it. I don't like thinking about my mother doing it. That's why I'm doing it my way. Technically that's Sinatra's way, but hey, life can't always take place at Burger King.

Life is like a passing thought. It's like an unfinished metaphor in that. Does the thought ever occur to you? No, I occur to it. My thoughts are sporadic and Socratic. They're dispersed questions, like a series of mosquitoes protesting malaria injections. They suck, they're full of blood, and they don't always make sense. But how do you make sense anyway? What's a rhetorical question with an answer? A paradox.

The point of prose is to substantiate poetic critique. It rhymes perfectly with morose, flows and even rose(poet's love that one.) What is a rose anyway, by any other name? Doth it not smell as sweet? Sure, unless you call it shit. What is the word shit, if not but a symbol for language itself? Poop, excrement, feces, defecate-- all sound far to delicate, silly and sophisticated for the crap they describe. Shit is curse, but it has the same amount of letters as poop. What makes one silly? What makes one inappropriate? I'd argue that shit is the most appropriate tag for a turd, yet such is its curse.



Digression after all, is aggression to die before-- as long as you don't care about a G and an E. I personally think a BA is BS, but education is something you learn to cope with. I am a poor learner but an excellent copper. Why is the nickel the only coin named after the substance of which it is comprised? If you think about it, coins become smarter as their value increases. Penny sounds like the name of a dumb farm girl, but a quarter accurately describes its fractional measurement. Names really are so arbitrary despite being the the second gift you get from your parents after the whole "life" thing. Not that great of a present really; they get regifted down generations all the time.  Don't see many make it past three through.(Generations, not the child. Calm down.)

Yeah, it would seem randomness can only be maintained for so long. Even the most brittle bridges of human thought eventually get your point across. I think the problem is self-importance. Being quoted is weird, because it's usually something wise or funny. If I ever become famous I want to mess with society by constantly saying things worth putting in parenthesis. People won't know when to stop quoting me, they might even follow me around with a mic. It'll be madness-- somebody might even learn something for a few seconds. I'm willing to bet that the vast majority of quotes out there have never changed anyone's life. To coin a phrase-- shit, I've already talked about coins.

What is reason, though really? Is it just raisin misspelled? Is a raisin really a dried up grape or is it just raising with no end? Sort of like this monologue. I keep rising to a point and turning away. You probably don't need to boil pasta, but we do it anyway. You can eat the ingredients to something and achieve the same nutrition-- maybe even better since we can avoid the bad ones. Why do we need sugar in our water? Why do we need salt on our meat? Why do we need butter on our toast? Why do we need clothes on our bodies? How can you ever get bored when the world is so full of questions. Forget existentialism and philosophy, I could write outright straight from my mind and never be bored for it. It's easy to throw rhetorical questions out without an answer, but I'm a fan of paradoxes and wordplay. Before testing the waters be sure to check the PH-- other wise you can't tell if orphans are children or fans. Adopting a fan for a kid would blow goats.

Why boil pasta? Because Italians talk with their hands, and I don't want to see that hand turn into a fist. I'm not Italian enough to know that answer honestly, just like I'm not Italian enough to know the difference between cheeses that don't have holes in them. Are those jokes racist because I'm not Italian? Can they never not be racist? Italics are the Italians of textual nuances; they use more emphasis and too much of them gets on my nerves. That was a bold statement. And so was that. But I guess it was more of a bold word. I hope you get my underling concept. Otherwise my format jokes will strike out.

If I should be so bold, I'd say sugar, salt and butter are used to widen our experience both culinary and physically. It speaks measures about our society, literally. Why do we need clothes on our bodies? Clothes don't make the man, man makes the clothes-- if by man you mean little Taiwanese children. But in all seriousness, it's us. The id; the identifier of human nature. A name apart of itself in delightful redundancy-- much like Chai Tea. Clothes quell distraction. I think there would be a lot of yanking, spanking and a lot less planking because cheeks chafe. Then again, planking isn't a thing anymore. Then again, it was always an action to begin with. Never end with a preposition.

The naked truth is that nudism is ironic, in that, most nudists are old and ugly. They're celebrating the beauty of the human body, and yet none of them bring much to the party. I think it's because most pretty people aren't creepy. Weirdly true, right? Hard to fail when you're good-looking because doors open for you and not just the automatic ones. The world perceives you as hot and you reap the psychological rewards of confidence that derives from the support. Perception truly does go a long way, perhaps even all the way depending on how you look at it. What some may see as sense, a dyslexic will sense as see. Does that mean he shouldn't live? Actually, no. To him, it's evil. He's kinda backwards, a dink really-- treats his dog like deity. But what is a god? Another rhetorical question?

Philosophy is just putting a question mark at the end of an ambiguous statement. Everything you do makes a statement. Everything you say is a statement. That's the difference between figurative and literal language. Saying and doing something are two different things, but how can something so obvious be good advice? Maybe the advice isn't good, but the listener is just dumb. Maybe finding your own way to a conclusion is the most beautiful method. I'd rather make my own mistakes than make the mistake of learning from yours, and that's why I never read past the words, "How to."

It's always a waste of time. Don't you think?

- B